Category Archives: #IKnowHim Stories

God has big things in store for this new season of #IKnowHim. We are excited to watch Him gather people and stories that reveal God is here, God is real, and He is good. Our goal is to overcome the darkness of the world with the light of the Gospel.

This is our next battle move.

We wait. God gathers. Darkness Flees.

We’d love for you to join us in the fight of overcoming darkness with #IKnowHim stories, in hopes that this will only be the beginning for you. My prayer is that sharing your story here gives you courage to share it everywhere, with normal people in ordinary conversations, daily. The enemy knows that if people were to really believe that God was in our midst, he would lose massive strongholds. I believe that the #IKnowHim movement could be the catapult for countless individuals meeting God for the first time and experiencing the true hope that the cross brings. Let’s tell the world who He is.

Grace and peace,

Rachel

This week we have the privilege of sharing an #IKnowHim story that many of us can relate to in one way or another. As you read Sydney’s story, we encourage you to think about which participant you might have been in life: the individual that gives time and love to someone in need, or have you ever been on the receiving end of such a gift? Maybe you have had the honor of experiencing both? We would love to hear from you, share your experiences with us in the comment section of this post!

My I Know Him story is an on-going journey that’s been lifelong. I grew up in a home in which Jesus was worshipped, and my parents taught us from our earliest years how much He loved us and sacrificed for us to know Him. Some of my first memories of knowing God came through the example of my Mom’s love, beginning when I was a very young girl. My Mom has this beautiful, extraordinary way of befriending people who could easily be written off in the eyes of the world. People no one else notices become the apple of her eye – the recipients of living water for which they didn’t even know they were thirsting. Some of these women have been oppressed, abused, and acquainted with great evil – yet they learn the gentle and fierce love of Christ and how He’s been searching for them – across her dining table or in a bible study she prepares and goes through together with just that one.

As a child, these acts of her sitting and sharing her time and loving people who were lost, searching, and in need moved me in a profound way. There is something so powerful about sitting across the table from someone who is desperate for the hope of Jesus Christ, and being the person who steps into what can seem like a mess in order to introduce them to that Hope. As I grew older, those examples became so personal realizing that Jesus did the same and more for me. He stepped into the mess to suffer the consequence of my sins and die in my place. In addition to the act of saving my life, He prepared His time and His love as gifts which I desperately needed, and still need every day. And He has helped me to see that some of the places I can know Him most deeply are at the tables which He would sit, lovingly going after just that one.

In Matthew 25 we read, “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’
Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’
And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me.'”

In a world cursed – compounded, muddied, and bleeding with sin – people are starving for the Good Word. We can take on the yoke and heart of that Good Word – Jesus Christ. Saying “I know Him. I was lost and lonely but I can help show you the way to wholeness, because He has restored me, and He can give you restoration and fullness of life too!”

It would absolutely be more convenient to live life with only people and comforts we’ve always known, never opening our lives to those who might make us feel out of place. But Christ lived a new adventure each day by being prayerful and ready to meet with the needs of humanity by lovingly engaging the next person searching for Him with truth and grace.

Jesus came that all men might be saved, and understanding that truth can’t help but fill my heart with gratitude for His gift of salvation, then shifts my focus outward, and makes each breath weighty, each meal meaningful, each minute urgent in giving the gospel to searching people. He loved others beyond any fear or insecurity about what the world thought, though it pressured Him and scoffed at how he spent His time with people viewed as unworthy. He saw past each of our shallow labels and masks we’ve chosen to wear, and loved and shared the same good news with every man and woman He encountered – including you and me.

He knew we would murder Him, and still He sat at the table for a meal and conversation with us. How can I be unwilling to do the same?

Knowing Jesus corrects my perspective – helping me remember my own desperate need for Him, and equips me to provide for needs while sharing the Good Word with those searching for Him – so that they might come to know the power of His extravagant love and redemption in their lives too.

I came to know him initially as a little girl, but He’s showing me that I get to know Him more and more as I choose to walk in step with His Holy Spirit, watching for that next opportunity to sit at the table with one more person, just like Jesus did for me.

Sydney Clark is a Texas girl who has served the Panhandle in ministry for 8 years with her husband, and stays home raising their 3 awesome kiddos. She loves Jesus and His Church, and enjoys writing, singing, and all things artsy. 

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Throughout our almost five years of marriage (our anniversary is TOMORROW!), one area we have had to learn to trust God the most has been decisions. Deciding where He is leading us, how to steward our time, our finances, and just about everything we do in life. Time and time again, we have seen Him do things supernaturally to reveal whether we are going in the right direction and walking in obedience.

This has been amazing and terrifying. I am a professional photographer, but work from home so I can stay with my babies, something I’ve always wanted. Two years ago, I had the busiest year of my career, including a fantastic contract to work for an incredible wedding venue as their photographer. We knew when I was offered the job that God was blessing us with the opportunity and I was so thankful to work for great people and be able to have some sort of income. As the time came near to sign a new contract, I felt the Lord pressing heavily on my heart. After much prayer, I knew that He was asking me not to renew the contract for the wedding venue, from which my income had increased exponentially.

The days following my stomach was in knots, and the Holy Spirit lingered. I was in this place of knowing that God was asking me to do this, and I knew that it was so I could spend more time in ministry, even though we would take a hard hit financially. I was also nervous because I really loved the people I worked for, they were kind and so welcoming and we had become really great friends. I knew this would put them in a hard spot too, finding someone new to fill the spot. I began to pray that God would show me that this was really what He was asking me to do, if this was what He was calling me to.

I set a date in my mind that I would make a decision, about a month after feeling God leading me to pray about this move. The days passed and the feeling didn’t change, but still had not received the sign I had prayed for. Then, ONE day before I was going to make the call, I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, due right in the middle of wedding season.

I wouldn’t be able to book weddings at least 3 weeks prior to my due date or at least 4 weeks after, so obviously that was not ideal for a wedding contract. I was ecstatic that God had really shown up and answered my prayer in a better way than I could have ever dreamed! The following day, as I was about to call to let them know my decision, I was nervous and reached for my Bible. I opened it, without having any direction of where I was going to read, and my eyes landed on Isaiah 61:1

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;”

My eyes filled with tears as I read the words I knew so well. This was the exact Scripture that God used to call me into ministry. God was sweetly reminding me that all that mattered was that I chose to be obedient to the work He called me too, and He would take care of the rest. Finances, friendships, and every other worry I had. And He was faithful to do just that.

Furthermore, I was put on bed rest for the last 3 months of my pregnancy. I couldn’t even play with my two year old without having contractions, there was no way I would have been able to shoot a wedding. Once again, I was reminded of God’s sovereignty and His goodness. The last 2 months I was on bed rest I wrote my first Bible study, and was able to see God move in unbelievable power through the incredible group of women that participated. It was gift I still feel like I don’t deserve to be a part of, but I know that is usually how God works and I am so thankful. God used that season to prepare my heart and talents for the next thing He would ask me to do: #IKnowHim. And here we are! I am so thankful for the Lord’s patience, and the way He works everything together for the good of those that love Him. I know God is real and He is good because He constantly is provided just what I need, at the very moments I need it most.

I encourage you to be bold in asking God what He would have you do! His desire is to do big things through us for His glory. Wherever you find yourself today, know that God’s timing is perfect, and He only wants the absolute best for His children.

What are some areas that God is asking you to be brave in? I’d love for you to share in the comment section! Thank you so much for letting me share my #IKnowHim story with you, I am praying that God uses it to encourage you! Don’t forget that we want to here yours as well! Click here to submit your #IKnowHim story.

All the best,

Rachel

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We want to hear YOUR stories! How do you know that God is real, God is here, and He is good? What was your #IKnowHim moment? A moment you knew was orchestrated and accomplished by the hand of God?  We want to share countless stories of God’s faithfulness that inspire the church, and in order to do that we need YOU! YOUR story matters. God’s movement in these moments is never merely big or small, but ALWAYS powerful. If you KNOW HIM, tell us why or how. How has He been faithful to you? How has He provided for you? What does knowing Him mean to you? We can’t wait to watch this community grow in their pursuit of the living God as a result of these testimonies. Have a great weekend friends, we can’t wait to hear from you!

SHARE WITH US HERE! 

-The #IKnowHim Blog team


 

Today’s blog is shared by Sherry Day.  She shares how God changed her life through the illness and death of her husband.  We are so grateful she is willing to share how God intersected her life in the darkest moments and gave her hope.

I was “born again” at the age of 53 and I am now 56.   It took me a while!  You see, my husband and I were both raised Christians in our younger years.  As adults we both gave up on God, chose not to pursue a relationship with Him and ultimately tried to forget about God.  Why?  For me it was because I had become an educated scientist and Jamie, because of the hypocrisy he experienced at church.

Here is our story:

My family moved from a small town in Texas to New Jersey when I was a freshman in high school.  I was placed in remedial classes despite my great grades…the administration in New Jersey thought if you talk slow…you must think slow.  So I had to work harder by taking five years of science and five years of math to graduate with honors.  Here began my change.  I loved science and we stopped going to church….you know, they were different on the East Coast.  In school I was learning, active and thriving.  After all, I wanted to be in the top 10% of my class.  So I studied and worked hard.  I was learning a lot about “Darwin’s Theory of Evolution by natural selection”.  Only the strong survive.  It captivated me.  I graduated and went to Texas Tech and earned a BS in Microbiology and minor in Chemistry.  I learned about how the earth was formed (gas and dust), how species evolved through natural selection and the list goes on.

I met my husband Jamie, a musician shortly after graduating and found work back in New Jersey.  We married a few years later.  We were happy.  I had a great career and he did too.  At one point in our lives, we had to decide whose career to follow as our jobs were moving us too far apart geographically to commute.  We chose my career.

Our life was changing without us realizing it.  Then it became clear.  Jamie was ill.  He began to have a lot of issues walking.  We went to several specialists who found nothing wrong.  We were going through life depending on ourselves.  In our brokenness and helplessness, we discovered who our Lord is.  Once we came to Him in our darkest moments of Jamie’s disease, we realized our hearts had been full of pride, that is when God revealed Himself to us.  We started at one church but didn’t care for it.  Then a fellow associate at work invited us to his church.  Sadly, I remember thinking this fellow reads his Bible at work….how weird.  We went to his church a few times.  Jamie got interested in their Worship group, (Jamie was a talented musician) and he set up a sound system for the church.  We were hooked on this “God” thing.  We had never heard of small groups but we joined one.  Our first study was Francis Chan’s Crazy Love. Talk about a study that moves you!  We wanted to serve the church and became active members.

One day Jamie called me at work and said he needed to get to the doctor but couldn’t drive himself.  We went to the doctor, who was a friend of ours, and he said to Jamie, “You’re drunk.”  I was shocked.  Once I got my mind wrapped around what was happening I said to Jamie, ‘that’s great because “alcoholism” is curable!!!” This diagnosis gave me hope.  I prayed that it would help rid Jamie of his disease.  We both joined a help group.  I went once and walked out with one thing…I did not cause Jamie’s addiction nor could I fix it only God could do that.  You see I worked long hours and had a great career but I was losing the only thing I cared about, the love of my life, my soul mate.  There were many “bad moments” during that time.  I remember the pastor driving Jamie home one night after worship practice.  Jamie was too intoxicated to drive from worship practice.

The awesome news was, we were getting to know God and on July 28, 2013 both Jamie and I were “Born Again”.

While on a business trip to Canada I had an eerie feeling and could not get in touch with Jamie.  After several attempts, I called a neighbor to check on him.  He found Jamie (deceased) on the patio in our backyard.  When the neighbor told me, I remember not being able to breathe…it was like someone had punched me in the stomach and the air had left me.  It had…I had lost my soul mate of 29 years.  We were no longer one.  Jamie had suffered a lethal heart attack at the age of 55 caused by alcohol intoxication. The date was August 28, 2013,  just four weeks after he repented and accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior.

Our pastor asked me to speak at Jamie’s memorial service and I was in shock.  How could I pull myself together to speak and share our testimony???  It was at that meeting our pastor shared that God spoke to him the night he drove Jamie home.  God said that Jamie would not be healed on earth.  God healed Jamie on August 28, 2013 and took him home.  I know if we had not had God in our life at that time, I would have been suicidal. You see we did not have children and Jamie was my soul mate and my life.  However, I realized I had God and I understood what He had done.  He had taken Jamie home.

What about his memorial service?  Well God spoke to me through my sister-in-law and gave me the courage to share our testimony.  My closing comment to those who attended his service was, “It’s not how you start your life but how you finish it that matters!”

I am forever grateful for what God has done in our life.  I miss Jamie every day.  You never forget but you learn to live with the sorrow and grief.  I cry and laugh sometimes all at the same time.  I talk to Jamie too…especially when I have to fix something at the house.  But I would not wish him back on this earth to suffer any more, than he already had.  That would be selfish.

I am driven now more than ever to serve God.  I have found more joy and peace than I thought possible.  I am a young Christian and have so much to learn but I am on fire for Jesus.

So my prayer is that our testimony reaches someone.  You see God loves sinners but not sin and I went from being a weak Christian, to believing in evolution, to being Agnostic, and finally truly knowing God.  God was with us even when we weren’t with Him.  I now truly understand Romans 8: 28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  You see had Jamie not gotten ill, we may have never come to truly know God and to be with Him forever!  Praise God!

St. Augustine of Hippo wrote: “ To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek him the greatest adventure; to find him the greatest human achievement.”

“Pray as though everything depended on God.  Work as though everything depended on you.”

“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.”

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NOTE: This is part TWO in a 2 week series. For part ONE of Austin and Jennifer’s #IKnowHim story click here.

I knew almost from the moment everything came to light about what had happened to Austin (which was about 11:00 at night at Cook Children’s Hospital when we got a phone call after a police interrogation that Kara (the babysitter) had admitted to shaking him and throwing him onto the couch) that I would have to forgive her for this. Matthew 6:14-15.  I knew it would be hard and I didn’t know how I was going to get passed this enough to do that.  Several months after he was shaken I heard a sermon about Corrie ten Boom, the Jew that lived through concentration camp and after enduring countless horrors at the hands of the Germans, she spoke at an event where one of the German guards that had been there was listening.  Her words touched him, and though he didn’t recognize her (clothed, clean, and equal) she recognized him.  He had been a guard in the same camp she was in, and had probably offered her countless memories of suffering.  He told her how her speech had moved him and reached out his hand to shake hers.  In that moment she prayed to God asking for his mercy and forgiveness to come into her, because she could not produce it herself.  God answered that prayer and she was able to reach out and shake the German’s hand.  So every day for the next year, I prayed the same thing, knowing then that I couldn’t muster the love and mercy that God has with my human ability, that it HAD to come from Him.  After that time, I no longer felt bitterness or anger when she came to mind.  I didn’t spent much time thinking about her at all.  I didn’t spend time in the shower having “conversations” with her in my mind about how she had wrecked our world anymore.  Things were starting to normalize a little bit, and I was starting to feel happy more often.  From all of this evidence I decided that I had forgiven her.  One morning however, God spoke to me and told me I had not.  I was offended.  I argued with Him, and told him I had and offered up all of my reasoning, but He did not speak again.  I spent the rest of that day in prayer and meditating on what else I could possibly do to reach this mysterious destination of “forgiveness finality”, frustrated and confused.  Finally He spoke again and told me that I still held myself above her.  I felt that she owed me something….everything in fact.  I felt that I was better than the likes of her.  He gently reminded me of my sin, and though by this world’s standards they are very different, in the kingdom they are not.  I was not better than her, and I had no right to consider myself or anyone else to be so.  Once I understood I prayed for help to embrace this, and it did not take long, I can pin point that day and the moment when I felt weight come off of my heart.  I felt freedom from the whole ordeal and all of the heaviness of it.  I can’t possibly describe it accurately to someone who hasn’t experienced such extremes, but I understood how much God wanted me to let go of every single piece of what was done for MY sake and for MY heart.  I was still suffering and He didn’t want that. He showed me how to completely let go, and I’m so thankful and in love with Him for it.

So what about Austin? What’s he like now, you may be asking. He has my heart, this kid. We are very blessed to have as much of him as we do, God has been faithful.  Let me preface this by saying that Austin’s brain is not even the correct shape of a brain anymore, there is so much damage.  It has atrophied so much that there is an inch of space between his brain and his skull, and the plates of his skull have completely overlapped each other as a result (thought you’d never know that because of his amazing hair. This brain injury was no joke, so the abilities he has are nothing short of miraculous.
Austin will be 5 this summer (2016). He can talk (though can be difficult to understand), he can eat, run, jump, express his joy and his discontent in appropriate ways, he has many skills that are very delayed but he is making progress.  He’s like a really typical early 3 year old cognitivley.  He is full of joy and VERY affectionate.  We do not look at him and see lack.  We see so many reasons to be thankful.  It is not hard to gain perspective over your own situation when you’re thrown into a special needs environment.  He does have a lot of tendencies that are similar to autism but I was so worried that I would never know my son when this all happened.  Now, I know that I do know him.  It’s not in the most conventional way but I see his heart and I know that’s who he always was, even before his injury.  I’m so thankful to have him here.  All that being said, I’ve also become much more eternally minded.  I’m so much more aware that this is all temporary and that Austin will receive ultimate and complete healing some day, and I will be right there for it.  I won’t say I am thankful that this happened.  It was painful and horrific, and Austin will face difficulties his entire life that never should have been difficult for him at all.  But I will say I am thankful for the spiritual growth that both my husband and i have received through it, and for the fact that God took all of it and used it for His kingdom.  I’m thankful that NONE of it was wasted.  He is good ALL of the time.

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NOTE: This is part ONE of Jennifer and Austin’s #IKnowHim story. Part Two is coming to the blog next Monday, April 25, 2016.

My son Austin was shaken to death at 3 months old by his daycare provider.  He was able to be revived by first responders, but he had massive trauma to his brain and would never be the same again.  As the next year unfolded after that happened, it was clear that I would never be the same again either. I saw God, and got to know his heart that year.  I learned and grew spiritually in a way that would never have happened outside of such extreme circumstances.  The most immediate thing that God did was surround us.  We had love, friends, support, provision, everything we could possibly ask for. My job was 2/3 of our income, and needless to say, that was the last day I ever worked full time.  We had a long recovery ahead of us and my husband was not about to leave our side so he took some leave from work as well.  Money poured into a bank account set up for us from every direction to use as we needed to to live and to take care of our family needs in this totally unfamiliar territory we found ourselves in.  Resources were piled into our laps to make sure Austin would have everything he needed to have the best chance possible at a quality life.  During those weeks in the hospital I couldn’t have cared less about any of that, my husband and I were wrecked. Our whole life had been turned upside-down.  All I could do was sit with him, watching for the tiniest signs of improvement and healing, and during the moments I was alone, I cried and prayed the most raw, undressed up prayers I’ve ever prayed.  I pleaded with God to “fix my baby, Kara broke him, pleeeeaasse please please”.  I know he was closer to me in those moments than any others in my entire life. In fact just writing this brought me back there and I feel him close again.  But this was only the very beginning of how He would show himself to us in the coming months.

Austin made incredible progress, and our prognosis of a 6 week hospital stay turned out to be only 16 days.  We brought him home on an entire pharmacy of meds and hearts full of hope, wishing for perfection but also ecstatic over any small improvement.  At the same time those moments would easily nose dive with any set back or unexpected problem such as a seizure, or the fact that he didn’t look at me or smile anymore….because he was completely blind. I spent a lot of time in agony and prayer over his vision, and God showed me his heart.  He sent prophetic words to my friends assuring me he would see again, and not only that, but that he would look so deeply into my eyes and smile in a way that I would know his little heart and soul on a level that wouldn’t be possible otherwise.  If you’ve ever met Austin you will know just to what extent that prophecy was fulfilled.

A few months after Austin came home he began experiencing a type of seizure that I had previously been made aware of and it was my worst fear at that time.  They are called infantile spasms, and they are 1-3 second long seizures that come in clusters of anywhere between 1 and 100 consecutive seizures.  The reason they are so dreaded is because the brain doesn’t have any time to recover between seizures and so it causes further brain damage.  I couldn’t even come to grips yet with how much of our boy we had lost to brain damage and now here he was having the most devastating type of seizure there was, threatening to take the rest of him and potentially reduce him to a vegetative state.  As soon as I recognized them we were headed back to Cook Children’s hospital where they did an EEG and confirmed the diagnosis.  I couldn’t even stay there in the room.  It was night time, and there was this garden area outside the front doors, and I found myself there, again pleading with God, but the hopelessness of it all was crushing any faith or hope I had before.  I remember asking him “HOW MUCH MORE, GOD?? HOW MUCH MORE UNTIL THIS IS OVER, UNTIL IT STARTS GOING THE OTHER WAY? ………….Are you going to take him from me?”  This was a moment I did NOT know God’s heart.  I didn’t understand and I don’t think i was capable.  All he would tell me was this: My tears and pain would not be wasted.  I’ll be honest, at that time that was not a comfort at all.  I still had an ugly reality upstairs waiting for me to face it, intense fears over Austin’s future, and questions that nobody could answer, and all i had to hold on to was that all the pain and tears wouldn’t be wasted, whatever that meant.

After 2 of the longest weeks of my life of watching helplessly as he had clusters of seizures day and night, injecting him with drugs that had some pretty scary side effects to try and stop them, and laying hands and praying over him during each cluster, they finally stopped.  It’s been almost 5 years, and it’s been a hard road, dealing with the loss of the child I gave birth to and dealing with the challenges of the special needs world.  But it’s been a blessed road too, with every evidence that God has gone before us with an enormous amount of provision for our needs financially, spiritually, and emotionally.  And, as he promises, He has taken this horrible circumstance and used it in innumerable ways.  I have been able to speak about our spiritual growth through this, demonstrate faith while still being real about the struggles we faced, pour into other families dealing with special needs, but most of all, I have had some profound moments of realization and understanding of God’s heart, two of which I’d like to share most.

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The first is the answer that came as I questioned why God allowed this to happen.  People ask all of the time why bad things happen to good people.  In our situation, I don’t believe that God WILLED this to happen, because sin was involved on the part of Kara, the day care provider.  I think that is a good guideline to decide whether God authored a hardship in our lives or not, by deciphering if sin was involved.  But I do know that sometimes he does author hardship in our lives (for example Joseph) because He has a bigger picture and plan than we can perceive, or perhaps like Jonah, we have stepped outside of His will.  If he sees that a hardship will ultimately align you back into his will for you, you better believe He will use it to put you there.  He is a father to us and uses discipline, allows natural consequence of our decisions, and hard situations to grow us and teach us.  Our situation falls into a couple of these scenarios, but ultimately I do know that there was a much bigger picture and that my tears and pain have NOT been wasted.  He has held us and paved every step before we took it in the last 5 years, and we have been freed from the bondage of unforgiveness, we have been provided for, and we have been given blessing upon blessing through Austin.

NOTE: This is part of a two week series. PART TWO of Jennifer and Austin’s #IKnowHim story will be coming to the blog next Monday, April 25, 2016. Check back to see how God gave this mom the courage to do the unthinkable, even while still in the trenches of heartbreak.   J. WestbrookJennifer Westbrook is a 32 year old momma of 3, married 12 years to her husband Chris. She has followed Jesus since she was 12 years old. She works part time as a dental hygienist and stays home with her kids the rest of the time. She loves crafting, family time, traveling, and being surrounded by friends. You can follow their journey and partner with them in prayer HERE.

 

Today’s #IKnowHim story is from Joe Ramirez, a youth pastor in Lubbock, TX.  He shares an amazing story of God giving him peace during a terrifying accident and the power of God’s healing in the months afterward.  

February 9, 2014, I was serving as Youth Pastor at a wonderful church in Childress, TX. I took a small group of youth to a concert and as we were heading home that night, we hit a patch of black ice just outside of Paducah. The church van slid off the road, hit a barbed wire fence and rolled five times. There were eleven of us in the van, ten youth and myself. Seven of the youth were bruised and some had several cuts, but overall they were fine. One young lady had broken her back, one young man broke his leg, I hit my head so hard that I had been scalped, and another young man broke his neck, fractured his skull, shattered his jaw, and suffered a trauma stroke. Of course, in the moments after the accident I didn’t know this. What I did know was that I was hurt and hurt bad. I knew that I had lost a lot of blood and I was bleeding terribly. I had trouble walking, seeing, hearing, and I knew that very well this might be it for me.

However, at that time a supernatural peace swept over me. My prayer wasn’t for God to save me, it wasn’t for God to miraculously heal me, it was for God to give me 15 minutes. 15 minutes, enough time for me to call 911, enough time to know that someone would be out here for these kids, enough time to know that they would be ok. I told God, “I’m ready, when you are.” As I searched for a phone I heard the most beautiful singing I had ever heard. I then realized that the singing was actually those youth, who had just been in this horrific accident. They were singing “Our God” by Chris Tomlin. For years, I always stated that I knew God and that I knew what waited for me after death, but it wasn’t until this moment that I truly understood the comfort of knowing Him. I should have fractured my skull, I should have broken my neck, and I should have bled to death, but I didn’t. I should have died in that accident and at that moment I was at peace.

As for those youth, I will tell you this, the young lady who broke her back was out of her brace in 6 weeks. The young man who broke his leg was off his crutches running around in less than a month. And the young man who suffered the worst… I was told by the EMT that he wouldn’t make it to the hospital. He did. He was in a coma and we were told he may not ever wake up. He did. We were told he would never walk again. He did. They said he would have limited range and need to use a walker for the rest of his life. In June of that same year, that young man traveled with us to our mission trip and was playing basketball, running around with the kids, throwing water balloons, playing tag and acting goofy, all without a walker.

I love sharing this story with people and at the end of it, I always ask the same thing. Do you know Him? If you were in that situation, would you be afraid of the unknown or would you know the peace that surpasses all understanding. As I end this, let me share two verses that really spoke to me during this time.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

(Proverbs 3:5 ESV)

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1-2 ESV)

Joe Ramirez

J. Ramirez

NOTE: This story is the second part of a 2 week series. Click here to read PART ONE. 

July 21, 2009 is the day that my world got turned upside down & shattered into a million pieces. It was the last day I’d ever hear my son’s voice and feel the weight of his body in my arms. No more ‘I love you most’s’, hearing him call me ‘mama’ or listening to him tell me all about how he wanted to be a pilot one day.

The reality of him no longer being here really didn’t begin to sink in until a couple of months after his accident.

I was tucked away in a closet; sobbing at the fading memory of my sweet boy’s precious voice. It had been 2 months since I had last heard him and I was trying desperately to recall any detail of how I remembered him sounding. Unfortunately, I had no video of him. Life had been busy with having babies only 18 months apart and iPhones weren’t quite around yet.

My mom eventually found me in that dark closet and convinced me to go for ice cream with my 2 year old daughter. On the ride to the ice cream shoppe, my sweet girl began singing her big brother’s favorite song, I’m in the Lord’s Army, word for word! She had never sung it before and hadn’t heard it since her brother had went to Heaven. Stunned, I frantically grabbed my phone and began trying to find the record button to capture the moment on video. I had never taken a video on my blackberry before, just thousands of pictures. I couldn’t wait to show my husband that our daughter was singing Will’s favorite song, the song he would march tirelessly around the house singing. I knew that if I didn’t record it he may not believe me, and kids never seem to ‘perform on command. ‘

While my mom took Maria in for a scoop of ice cream I decided to wait in the car, seeing that I was a mess and wanted to try and find the video I had just taken of her.

What I discovered on my phone that night still leaves me covered in chills to think about.

Much to my surprise there were over 30 videos recorded on my phone, I had only taken 1.

Not knowing which one was of my daughter singing the song I clicked on a file and heard the sweetest most incredible sound saying….. ‘MOM!!! Look mom, i-i-i SEE you mom, loooook I SEE you!’ Completely stunned, totally overwhelmed & overjoyed, I continue clicking on video after video of my sweet boy recording himself, and his dad and me, asking us to ‘say cheeeese’.

All of those times that he had my blackberry, and I thought he was just pretending to take photos on my phone, he had actually been documenting videos. Lots and lots of videos of the sweet sound of his precious voice, complete with his stutter he had when he was excited. I never had any new photos when he was done playing with my phone so I figured he was just pretending to take pictures because he saw me taking them so often.

There is no denying that discovering those videos that very night was no coincidence. I could have found them any other time but I didn’t. I could have clicked first on any of the 30 videos, but the very first file I randomly chose was of my boy saying ‘mom, look, I SEE you’.

There is no doubt that God orchestrated every last detail for me that night. From my mom convincing me to go for ice cream; to my daughter singing Will’s favorite song out of the blue; to me hearing his voice just moments after grieving the grim reality that it was becoming a fading memory.

God’s Presence was palpable as I clicked on each video, growing more overwhelmed with each one. He cares. He longs for us to cry out to Him so that He can show up in the most intimate way. Reminding us that He Loves us, He is with us always, even in those dark closets we tuck away in, He SEES us even there.

**This post originally appeared on #IKnowHim, a community dedicated to sharing the good news that God is here and He is good through stories of people that have had their lives transformed by knowing Him. For more inspirational stories and encouragement visit iknowhim.us.

NOTE: This story is the second part of a 2 week series. Click here to read PART ONE. 

Patcine

Patcine McAnaul is a wife and the mother of five children, four on earth and one in Heaven. She is the founder of The Will To Choose ministry that supports bereaved parents with financial assistance as well as sending shirts (upon request) to bereaved parents all over the country. Shirts are available to purchase in variety of styles/colors/logos. Every penny from t-shirt purchases go towards the ministry. She enjoys sharing the Hope we all have in Christ with others. Find her on Instagram (@thewilltochoose).

Click here to read PART TWO of Patcine’s story. 

thewilltochooseGrief is not discriminatory. It’s like an ocean, it is always there, but it is not until the tide comes in that I feel overwhelmed by its presence. I have been navigating the child loss journey for almost 7 years with emotions raging out of control, swinging from one extreme to the next, my fears often magnified and ‘new normals’ to continuously explore. It’s easy to focus solely on my pain and loss, to get swept up in the suffering and heartache and fall into a pit of self-pity, feeling alone and misunderstood. I think we all come to that same crossroads in life at one point or another, regardless of the reason for arrival, the feeling is universal.

There came a time when I realized I had a choice. It happened to be while standing over my son’s grave the day he was buried. Faced with the seemingly impossible and daunting task of simply taking the next breath, when the warmth of the sun penetrated my face, and I felt it as if I’ve never experienced it’s warmth before. I knew. I knew my only choice was to live, to share my ‘taboo’ and unspeakable story and to allow God to piece me back together as He saw fit. In His time, like only He could.

My life has consisted of many layers, difficult chapters, and hard seasons, and it’s ultimately up to me how long I allow each one to dictate me.
Grace makes us strong to bear trials, but we still have to bear them – Charles Spurgeon

My strength is not my own. That was a very early discovery for me after being tossed into the grips of grief, losing my ‘little man,’ Will.

thewilltochooseOn July 21, 2009, my beautiful 3 1/2 year old son died of a gunshot wound. Of a wound that leaves me paralyzed at times to even think about. As loving, careful, protective, nurturing, hands-on and dedicated as I am to my children, I now have to live with the reality that my son (who would be 11 this year) is no longer here in my arms due to a tragic accident. I had to endure and witness what no mother could ever begin to comprehend.

I prayed fervently as I held Will’s almost lifeless body that he would be healed, believing with every ounce of my being that God could do it in that moment. I prayed a prayer of utter confidence in my God to do a miraculous work, to ‘take this cup.’ Yet I held the weight of his body in my arms for the very last time that tragic day.

I lived the next few years clinging to God but also very disappointed and confused that He couldn’t have just answered those cries for a miracle that day, to spare my family and me from this tragic fate. When I saw someone else’s miracle and answered prayer I felt a sting of jealousy and my sorrow that much deeper. As awful as that may sound, it’s true. Jealousy, bitterness, anger, and doubt, mixed with pain, grief and sorrow is quite the medicine for self-implosion if kept brewing within. I’m not ashamed to bring those raw feelings I had to the Light because I knew that if I exposed them, they couldn’t hold me captive in my own misery. (And maybe someone out there is afraid of what admitting feelings like this would look and sound like.)

Shame is often times the enemy of healing.

Then there was the moment that I finally realized my prayer was answered that day. Will was healed. Will was okay. Will IS healed, and he IS okay, it just doesn’t look like I had envisioned. God came near to me in that moment and every moment thereafter; the broken-hearted, just as His word proclaims.

God’s faithfulness and character didn’t change because my world was turned upside down. God is good ALWAYS. It’s easy to shout that from the mountaintops of answered prayers and fulfilled dreams. But how about from the cemetery? Is He still good while I stand over my son’s grave? Can I shout of His faithfulness even there?

Jehovah-Jireh. God provides. He sees the Big picture while I see and feel shattered hearts and dreams. He sees the beginning and end, while I see the here and now. My finite mind cannot begin to comprehend His infinite being. I have to keep my eyes fixed on the cross.

When the ‘what if’s’ come flooding in like a tidal wave of destruction and the ‘should have’s’ won’t seem to subside. When the ‘could have’s’ play in the forefront of my mind like a never ending picture. I have to trust and know that He is in control. He weeps with me. He predestined us all before time, knowing our beginnings and our last days. (Job 14:15) Though my time with Will will never seem like enough; He came and defeated death so that I and we may grieve with hope.

This world is not my home. I can feel displaced some days as I yearn for the eternal place that has been prepared for me, but I know that as long as He puts life into my being, I have a purpose to fulfill. It will look different than anyone else’s and that’s okay because we are all unique and beautiful, knit together by a perfect God. Comparing and sizing myself up to other’s callings and accomplishments won’t gratify or enable me to run and finish my race or fulfill my purpose. There is purpose in my pain… And in yours, too.

I’m learning that storms in life can ultimately quench a weary soul when endured in the right spirit. The realization of how temporary and fleeting this life is, is a special offering from Him to me. I don’t have every question answered, and I don’t need to. That’s faith.

I’m almost seven years into this grief journey, and the reality of God being bigger and greater than this crushing pain is taking up permanent residence in my heart and mind as the years of yearning and grief have perpetuated. The constant ache can establish a desire for heaven that wouldn’t exist without suffering.

Romans 8:28 is a verse that has encouraged me at my darkest hour, a verse that I clung to when nothing made sense. I had it printed on Will’s memorial program for his funeral service and have declared its Promise over our loss since day 1. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

It doesn’t say ‘some things’ or ‘most things,’ my loss isn’t out of the realm or grasp of this promise. So I stored it in my broken heart and frazzled mind, knowing that He would make good on this promise in my life.

I cannot sit here today and claim that Will not being here is ‘good.’ I cannot say that I wouldn’t change what has happened if I could. But I can say that through this suffering I have seen God do and work some pretty miraculous things. He has strengthened me on days that I just couldn’t, and people now know Him who didn’t before. He has used me to help the suffering and poor in spirit, just as He used so many others while I was downcast. That’s what this community is for.

We cannot allow the pain to overshadow the promise. Beauty will rise from the ashes of our broken dreams and we will come alive in the midst of devastation.
Though our losses here seem so concrete and those we love are irreplaceable, it’s not permanent. When despair rears its ugly face, know that there is a hope that can’t be extinguished in Christ.

**This post originally appeared on Scribbles & Crumbs, a community on a mission to unite all who have known suffering [no matter the form] through the common ground of compassion and love. For more stories of people rising from the ashes of suffering, visit OnComingAlive.com.

**Then was posted on faithit.com on March 22, 2016.

Patcine

My name is Patcine and I’m a wife to the most incredible and selfless man, Ryan. We have 5 kids. {2 of which are my ‘bonus son’s’}
Ryan and I had our first baby together in 2005, and we named him William, after his late grandad (Ryan’s dad). Shortly after Will was born we welcomed our first baby girl, Maria, in 2007. They were 18 months apart.

In 2008 I found Jesus. Not that He was lost or anything, but I was. I had everything that I thought my heart ever desired and then some, but I had this aching and yearning for something to fill this void in my life. Well, that missing piece was a relationship with my Savior. I had grown up sporadically attending church and had heard stories about God, but it never really clicked until that day in July of 2008 when I experienced His power and presence in the most tangible way.

I’m so thankful that He is in control because He knew that I couldn’t have survived what was about to happen next without Him.

July 21st of 2009 changed the course of our lives forever. It was, is and always will be the most devastatingly awful day we’ve ever and hopefully will ever have to encounter. My 3 yr old son left this earth and this mama’s arms much too soon.

To say that my life got turned upside down that day is the understatement of the century. I am now a part of a group of moms that nobody wants to join, yet my Faith and trust in God has only grown deeper. Not that I haven’t had my moments and questions, there’s been a lot of wrestling but I couldn’t walk this grief stricken road without Him; without the Hope of seeing my little man again. I realize that not everyone has a relationship with our Savior, seeing that just 8 years ago I didn’t even know what that meant. But I Hope to show you Who He is through the sharing of my life’s journey.

My family left the only home we’ve ever known in Vandalia, Ohio in 2013 and moved across the country to Texas! What a scary yet exciting adventure we are on! It’s tough living so far from all of our families, but I have no doubt we are right where God wants us. Comfort zones can be prison cells if we aren’t willing to take leaps of faith and say ‘yes’ to God!

I am happy to share my journey with others in Hopes that God can be glorified and others can begin to look for Purpose in their pain.

{I started a non-profit ministry in 2015 called The Will to Choose. It provides families with financial assistance from the unexpected costs of bereavement. T-shirts with scripture are also sent as a gift to parents to remind them of God’s Promises and Love.
To purchase a t-shirt (all proceeds go to the ministry) you can visit www.thewilltochoose.com (shop)
You can also request the {gifted} t-shirt for bereaved parents over there under ‘t-shirt ministry’. The goal is to remind each grieving parent that they are not alone in this journey and that their child will not be forgotten.}

NOTE: This story is the first part of a 2 week series. Click here  to see how God breathed hope in the midst of her grief.