Our featured #IKnowHim story today was submitted by Jessie Pope, a young mother of 3 sweet daughters. In the toughest season of her life, she shares the moment when God revealed the truth that He knew HER. Read her story and imagine a God that knows it all, yet loves all the more.
We fully know God, when we realize that He already fully KNOWS us…
It’s kind of like that awful feeling you get in your stomach when you’re in the middle of your “it’s a summer morning and we have nothing to do routine” and you hear a knock on your door. What? You know the feeling? You look around in sheer panic; your kids have you and your house in pieces…. Naked Barbies with clothes who knows where, blocks no where near their block containers, snack cups in literally every room in your home (only because your “super intense snacking almost two year old” followed you into every room every twenty minutes with said snack cups, AFTER you had fed her the most nutritious fulfilling breakfast you could think of, BEGGING you for the snack that goes inside and then dropping the snack cup in the room after she turns into the SNACK HULK when you deny her said snack ( not that that happens in my house often or anything)), you’re not sure if you have brushed your teeth- but your pretty sure your 8 year old has (and that makes you feel even worse about yourself; but you have had coffee so maybe it will cover up any ungodly morning breath smell that’s still lingering), your 8 year old is running to the door while your scrambling to change the Hulks diaper because its 9 am and you still haven’t, she’s yelling at you that its her CPS worker and your yelling back not to open because that’s all you need is the CPS worker documenting that you let your 8 year old open the front door of your home without you being right there to make sure she isn’t a burglar, rapist or some other AWFUL person or villain that you had previously spent way too much time in bed worrying about the night before! “NO,” your heart sinks a little into your stomach… “I just don’t want anyone to see us like this.”
That’s how I’ve felt in my life with Jesus for a while now. I don’t want him to come in; I don’t want him to see the mess. I don’t want him to see how hard it is for me to roll out of bed in the morning twenty minutes after my 8 year old has already been up waiting (somewhat like a new puppy) to see what her new mom has planned for her for the day. When in reality her new mom is struggling to feel like her mom at all and has NO idea how she is going to love all three of these baby girls the Lord has given her well. I don’t want him to see that I literally made no effort to spend any time with him at all that morning or the three mornings before that and that instead of craving his word I am only craving the worlds largest cup of coffee and the Today show (which I can’t watch because I have an 8 year old now who hears and listens to EVERYTHING). I want to hide the fact that I have never known my own selfishness more than I do now that I’ve invited a sweet girl with no mom or dad to come into our home so we can be that for her. I want to hide from him that I loose my cool with my littlest because I feel like I have “no cool” left, that I can’t remember the last time I prayed over the sweet unborn little girl inside of me because I feel like I am drowning and by the time I put my babes down for bed all I want is to eat my secret ice cream in peace and watch something that I don’t have to think about, kiss my husband (who I am completely not deserving of) and roll over to sleep because I know I have to do this again tomorrow and I’m not sure I know if I can.
And then like a ton of bricks it hits me …
“During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the people of Israel- and God KNEW.” Exodus 2:23-25
“and God Knew!” He knew! He knew the state of His children. They were crying out and He heard. He HEARD and He ACTED on their behalf.
I’m pretty sure I burst into tears when I read this. God knows.
See, I had read this passage months before our sweet 8 year old came to make her home with us forever. It meant the world to me then because our journey to get her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. In that moment it meant that I knew God knew my heart, He knew how much I wanted us to be able to intercede on her behalf, He knew my heart was full of love for this girl and was ready to take her in. He knew and He would act. And he DID!
But reading it this time brought more emotions, sobs, and ugly “I’m really pregnant” cries than the time before. The thing is, it’s an encouraging thought to think that God knows you when you’re in His word, seeking His face, going to bible study once a week, TALKING about how you are going to love your orphan girl and point her to Jesus and how it’s not going to be hard to love her as much as you love your own kids. The table turns when you read that God sees you and HE KNOWS you when you’re in one of the hardest and ugliest times of your life. Because it’s then that you have to make a choice. Am I going to realize that God knows me in this state and YET still LOVES me and is FOR me? Or, am I going to believe the Deceiver and believe that there’s no way the true God can truly love me after knowing everything about me?
He does know and He does love. He loves BIG. This summer has been the scariest roller coaster I have ever been on. I’ve never felt stranded in fear, anxiety, selfishness, self-loathing, exhaustion, and just pure defeat like I have in this time. But here’s what I’m learning. God knows and he sees. He sees the mess, he sees my impatience, he sees that learning how to love two kids with the same amount of love is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, He knows I fill up with fear and worry thinking about how I will possibly love the third one. He knows that because of my state of mind I’ve been unloving and impatient with the life partner he has given me, and He knows that my heart has acted out of anything but the Father’s love – and yet. And yet… He. Still. Loves. Me. He loves me not because of my good days or weeks or moments- he loves me because when He sees me, He sees Jesus’ blood and righteousness. God knows my sin- he knew it two thousand years ago as he laid surrendered on a beautiful wretched cross. He knew then and he knows now and he has never stopped loving and he never will.
Because of Jesus I know that I can be fully known by God and yet STILL fully loved. Because I realize he knows me fully I can know him fully. I know his love, his patience, his kindness, his steadfastness. It’s never changing and never ending.
So my challenge is this- when that knock on the door comes and all you want to do is keep Him out for fear of him seeing you and knowing you; OPEN it! Let him in. He already knows you, He sees you, and believe me -He LOVES you.